“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;
1 Corinthians 13:4–5 NKJV
does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil.”
If we are going to take this scripture at its word, and we should because it is true, then we must be honest with ourselves. If you have a short temper, if you are easily irritated, easily angered, easily offended, then the problem is not just your temper or your emotions. The problem is your love level.
It means something about love on the inside of you has not yet been perfected. And your love walk needs work. Because if love is patient and endures people’s excesses, if love suffers long and is kind, and if love endures people’s weaknesses, then it means that the person walking in love has already made room for human imperfection. They are already making excuses in their heart. They say things like, “Maybe they did not mean it that way.” “Maybe they are tired.” “Maybe they are going through something.” And with that kind of understanding, it becomes difficult to be easily offended.
I have met people with short tempers, and I will be honest, my temper is not the calmest in the world. There was a time it was much worse than it is now. And when it was worse, I treated people harshly. I was snobbish. I did not care deeply about people outside my inner circle. I could forget important things concerning them and still smile like everything was fine. It was not necessarily pretence, but my emotional investment was reserved for “my people,” those who behaved the way I preferred.
But that is not love.
Trauma Fuels Anger
And I have also learned something over time. Many people who struggle deeply with their temper often experienced a lack of love at some point in their lives, most commonly, their formative years. I am saying this from personal observation and even what psychology teaches us. I have rarely seen someone who grew up consistently loved, affirmed, heard, and safe become chronically short-tempered. But I have noticed that many people with quick tempers were raised by someone who lacked love themselves, or they experienced wounds in their formative years, deep disappointments, neglect, rejection, or repeated emotional injuries. Something broke somewhere. And what leaks out now is anger.
Beloved, let us take the world as it is. People will disappoint you. People will misunderstand you. People will inconvenience you. If you are easily provoked, it will be very difficult for you to walk in love. Forgiveness will be hard. Tolerating them will be hard. Making room for their weaknesses will be hard. Praying for them will be hard.
It is difficult to walk in love if you are easily provoked.
And the Bible also says, “Anger rests in the bosom of fools” (Ecclesiastes 7:9 NKJV). So not only does uncontrolled anger reveal a love issue, it also reveals a wisdom problem.
Prayer
The prayer, therefore, should not even be, “Lord, help my temper.” The deeper prayer should be, “Lord, increase my love. Fill my heart with love so much that this anger has no place to sit. Heal whatever is broken in me that keeps responding with anger. Teach me to love well.”
Let the people around you not feel like they are walking on eggshells. Let your spouse not be afraid to speak because they are unsure which version of you they will meet. Let those in your space not be constantly on edge.
Ask the Lord to perfect love in you. Ask Him to heal the wounded places. Ask Him for wisdom. Because when love grows, unnecessary anger begins to die.
Amen.
