“Then Amnon hated her exceedingly, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, ‘Arise, be gone!’”
2 Samuel 13:15 (NKJV)
Boys want one thing
When I was younger, my parents would say, “No matter how much a boy says he loves you, what he really wants is to sleep with you. And once he does, that love will disappear.” As a teenager, you don’t want to hear that. You think your parents are dramatic. You think they don’t understand. You think your own situation is different.
But then you start to watch it happen around you. A boy who was obsessed with a classmate. A boy who couldn’t sleep, who couldn’t eat, who was passing love letters in class and saying all the right things. Then he gets what he wants, and suddenly he is distant, cold, even disrespectful. Sometimes he goes as far as embarrassing the girl publicly.
And you start to realise that maybe what your parents were trying to warn you about was the immaturity of boys at that age. They were trying to tell you that many young boys did not even know what love was. They were responding to their hormones, feeling desire and calling it love. And that is exactly what we see in our text today.
So About Amnon
In 2 Samuel 13, we meet Amnon. Amnon was the half-brother of Absalom. Absalom had a sister named Tamar. The Bible says she was beautiful, and Amnon said he loved her. He was so “in love” that he became lovesick. He was consumed with this love of his. With the advice of a foolish friend, he manipulated the situation, pretended to be sick, and arranged for Tamar to come to him. And when she came in innocence, he violated her. And as Scripture says: “The hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her.”
How does love turn into hatred overnight? It doesn’t. Because it was never love. What Amnon felt was lust. Maybe obsession. Possession. Appetite. False love can look very convincing. It can be intense. It can be emotional. It can even feel sacrificial in the beginning. But if its foundation is selfish desire, once that desire is satisfied, the illusion collapses.
Look Closely
Beloved, not everything that smells like love is love. Attention is not automatically love. Affection is not automatically love. Someone wanting to spend time with you is not automatically love. Lust can mimic love for a season. And I hope that as we have spent this month defining what love actually is. That you can spot love that is not rooted in God from a mile away.
However, it takes courage to identify sick love and walk away from it. To say, “This feels intense, but this is not love.”
Some people can even display good qualities and still lack love. That is why you must look beyond how they treat you when they want you. Look at the fruit of their life. Look at their integrity. Look at whether God truly governs them, not just their church attendance, but their character.
And even more, examine yourself.
Shalom
