“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil.”
1 Corinthians 13:4–5 (NKJV)
I think, by far, the most difficult quality of love for me is this one. Love does not seek its own. I know there is kindness. I know there is patience. But not seeking your own [way or interest]? That one is hard. Because in the innate nature of man is a desire to seek his own benefit and his own good. There is something in us that wants what it wants above everything else.
But love? Love will sacrifice it’s own desire so that you get what you want at all cost. Not seeking your own way means your interest is not even an option. The scripture does not say love does not seek its own way first. It says love does not seek its own. Period. Love is not calculating personal advantage. Love is not asking, “What is in this for me?”
Think about Jesus.
When He knelt in the garden of Gethsemane, and prayed, “O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will” (Matthew 26:39 NKJV). In that moment, His own way would have been to walk away. His own way would have been to avoid the brutality of the cross. Nobody will choose calvary, NOBODY.
If Jesus had sought His own benefit, we would not be here. Salvation would not have happened. But He put aside His own desire and chose the will of the Father. He chose our salvation over His comfort.
Beloved, Love does not seek its own. So if we are going to clothe ourselves in love, if we are going to love our neighbour, if we are going to love our brother as Christ loved the church, then we must forget personal agenda entirely. And this is not always about the big dramatic decisions in a relationship. Sometimes it is about the small daily choices.
It is about choosing not to insist on having the last word.
It is about choosing not to manipulate outcomes to favour yourself.
It is about choosing not to withdraw affection because you are not getting your way.
It is about choosing to serve even when it does not benefit you.
Prayer
Father, in the name of Jesus, I ask that You help me overcome selfish intentions and selfish agendas. Expose every place in my heart where I am loving for what I can gain. Teach me to love without calculation. Teach me to love without seeking my own benefit.
Help me to see my brother, my sister, my spouse, my friend as worthy of selfless commitment. Teach me to lay down my preferences when necessary. Teach me to choose Your will over my comfort.
Just as Jesus said, “Not as I will, but as You will,” let that become the posture of my heart. Remove selfishness from me. Clothe me in genuine love.
In Jesus’ name, amen.
